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Goodbye, Lumpkin

Warning: Real, live pictures of a fat bump follow these words.

I had the fat lump out yesterday. I went to a hospital downtown to do it, so I had the day off of school. Woo hoo! The receptionists at this office are a little brusque. They scare me a little bit. I didn’t have a referral because I used it during my previous visit to this doctor. It was at his other location so these people didn’t remember. But thankfully it was in their computer. Whew!

He started by sticking me with “numbing juice”. That part didn’t hurt at all. In fact, he commented on my lack of pain. There were only a couple of times when I felt pain. The rest of the time, it was just disturbing sensations. I felt the pull of his cuts. I felt him squishing the bump to get all the fat out. And I could swear I thought he actually put his finger into the cut and swirled it around. All the while, he kept asking if I was okay. I wish he would’ve talked about the weather instead, because I couldn’t get the images out of my head. At one point, I started getting light-headed. He said if I passed out, that would be okay because I was already lying down. 🙂

After he was done, the stitches went in quickly. Then he covered the area with dermaplast (a plastic coating). Then he showed me what Fatty McBump looked like outside of it’s native habitat. It looked like chicken fat. I got my camera out to take a picture. He was a little taken aback. “I teach Middle School,” I said. “I told the kids all about it and told them I would take a picture.” He thought it was weird. I just kept saying, “I teach Middle School.” I forgot in my first pictures to use a quarter for scale. I went into my coat pocket to get one, and when I turned around, he had pulled the cap off the container so I could do a top-down shot. hehehe… So he DID think it was fun that I was taking pictures.

My back aches a little, but it’s not unbearable. He said that because of the plastic coating I could shower and everything. The stitches will dissolve. I will only have to visit back with him if there’s a problem.

I think this is Lumpkins best side.

Not as big as I thought. Only a little bigger than a pecan.


  1. Beth


    • Michele

      Beth – we commented at the same time! When I started typing mine, yours wasn’t there yet! Did the pictures make you want to vomit? Or, are you still doing that anyway? I saw Brad’s reserved special food shelf for your visit. We (fellow teachers and I) are hoping you will make time to pop into school and say hello.

      • Beth

        funny, the posting at the same time thing. Lauren and Peggy did that once on Lauren’s site and they speculated the universe may explode…still waiting…

        Oh yes, we’ll be stopping by. There’s nothing more satisfying than interrupting a days’ work with a cute little red-haired girl running through the hallway :D!
        And, yes, Brad’s chicken fat did make me want to barf…but indeed I’m still doing that anyway, so what’s the difference!
        We’re all so excited to get out to MD to visit…can’t wait – just one more month! YAY!

  2. Michele

    I think I’m gonna be sick! Talking about it at dinner last night wasn’t as gross as looking at it over breakfast this morning! I just finished a banana and am still drinking my coffee (yes, from you-know-where.) I’m now wondering if I should have waited for breakfast to settle before visiting your lumpkin post!

  3. Lauren

    I think that is AWESOME!!!! I’m so glad you took pictures. I have to say, using the phrase, “I teach middle school/preschool/whatever” is SUCH a ‘get-out-of-jail-free’ card! You can pretty much do anything weird and people will go along with it. (This gives an idea for today’s post.)

    My other comment is: What other indredients would you put with that to make a Lumpkin Salad?

    • Michele

      That comment about the lumpkin salad just interrupted my lunch! I’m gonna stop checking in during mealtimes from now on – you guys are gross!
      It’s funny you mentioned playing the “teacher card” – we just told Brad last night he should have played his “lumpkin card” at the hospital cafeteria when he couldn’t get anything good to eat.
      My brother used to talk about playing the “C card” when he was trying to get seated in restaurants during his cancer treatments.
      It’s great to have an excuse for our strange behaviors don’t you think?

  4. Frequent lurker, first time poster

    For those of you out there in God’s Country (Nebraska) and elsewhere who may not yet be aware, the wonderful Philadelphia Cream Cheese people have now made an already-concocted cream cheese filling in a tub somewhat like Cool Whip – but much heavier because – after all – it holds cream cheese filling. Why do I bring this up now, you ask? Old Chinese proverb say: woman eating spoons of cream cheese filling from tub while reading posts on this blog likely to lose appetite. Icky nasty poo, but a great plan to reduce dieting “slip-age”!

    I AM seriously glad you came through alright on Friday, Brad – I was talking to God about ya’. So who is now the proud owner of The Lump, and will Skipper be using it for microscope work in 6th grade science class any time soon?

    –“I’d like to say…Happy Birthday…” (did anyone actually SING that for you, or do you wish a concert after the fact; could be arranged, you know. Glad that day was memorable, too; we all love you, Neighbor.)

  5. Peggy

    Is that an eye just left of center in the 1st picture? Do you suppose this is how Jabba-the Hutt started out? I’d track where lumpkin was sent if I were you. If it’s a medical lab in the Tatooine Desert … we’d better all run for our lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Brad

    Lauren, are you going to alter the picture into Jabba the Hut, or am I?

    • Lauren

      I think that you are really more skilled in Jabba transformations than I, so I defer to you. (solemn bow)

  7. Peggy

    Dang, I keep forgetting to read the picture captions …
    How do you all say pecan: pee-can or peekin or pee-con?

    • Beth

      Pa-con (I would have written a upside down e (schwa)instead of an a, but I’m not that good on a keyboard).

  8. Lauren

    I say pee-CAHN, but I hate them. Stupid pee-CAHNs. My mother hates them so much she smothers them in syrup and cooks them alive in a pie crust. She’s a cruel, cruel woman.

  9. Beth Marshall

    Bradley Ronald Royuk~

    This is too much and I have no Fashion tips from The Guide To Fabulousness to even share on this. You are totally insane. 🙂 YUCK!YUCK!YUCK! (said like Marcia!Marcia!Marcia! 🙂

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